Heartache | The hope that comes with Christmas

Its hard, to remember that life goes on around you. While all you're thinking about is the pain your feeling, life is still happening. You don’t get to press pause, and seeing other people’s happiness in the midst of our pain can be really hard!

It wasn’t until 6 years into our infertility that I decided to see a councillor. I just felt that I couldn’t be compassionate anymore. I didn’t know how to respond to others when their problems seemed so much smaller than mine.

How do we fight through? I don’t know about you, but Jesus was the only thing that kept me somewhat sane throughout these times. He is the only one who truly has felt the heartache and pain that us as individuals have. I never felt strong enough, but we are not meant to be strong enough on our own. We are meant to lean on Him, and not to go through it alone.

I admit there was so many times I was angery with God, I would weep and weep knowing another month had gone by and nothing happened. Not because I felt He was doing this to me, but because I knew that He was the ONLY one who could stop this pain, that He could fix whatever needed to be fixed and grant us the gift of a child. With one word, I knew He could. This isn’t a bad thing to be angry with God! Its actually lamenting! When you cry out to Him, you acknowledge His existence and His power. God wants you to talk to Him through all your emotions, so that He can be there to carry you through it! So He is the one that catches you, and holds you through the tough times. Lament to your heavenly Father and tell Him that you are angry, trusting that in Christ, He will deal with you in mercy and love. In those moments of not understanding, He was the only one who could lift me up and say ‘I understand’.

Remember the warning that was given to Adam when he was first placed in the garden.. 'Of every tree of the garden you may freely eat; but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it, you shall surely die.' When Adam took that fruit from the tree, mankind was then eternally separated from God. Being perfect and rightious, unlike mankind, God then had to make a way back to Him. How did He do this? Through His son! God sent His only son to become a man just like us. To live through life like we have, only to be put to death to pay the debt that was so rightfully ours. By Jesus dying on that cross, it tore the curtain, making a way for us back to God -> through Jesus. In a broken world, were sin roams and satan thinks he can manipulate you and strike you down.. Know that God reigns, Jesus is the one who has already conquered death! If you love Jesus and ask Him in faith, you will receive! He said so Himself. If you truly have a relationship with Him, trust Him, and believe in Him, it will make the trials of live easier to bear. I knew I could trust His plan, and that is what always got me through.

Romans 8:28

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God!

Mathew 21:22

And whatever things you ask in prayer, believing, you will recieve.

James 1:6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind.

John 16;33

These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world YOU WILL HAVE TRIALS, but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.

Thing is Gods plan is much much bigger than the one we see or focus on right now. Six years, while going through it felt like eternity. Now, I look back and see all the things that needed to happen or fall into place. I know that by Gods grace, this little child of ours will have been placed in my womb for such a time as this. Knowing that His devine timing is for a purpose.

Remember that a life with Jesus is not meant to make our lives perfect. God said that in this world we WILL have trials, but with Jesus, it He offers us peace, hope, strength and times of rest when we need it most. I once heard a story that put this into perfect perspective;

"Two men are seated in a plane. The first is given a parachute and told to put it on as it would improve his flight. He’s a little skeptical at first because he can’t see how wearing a parachute in a plane could possibly improve a flight. After a time he decides to experiment and see if the claim is true. As he puts it on he notices the weight of it upon his shoulders and he finds that he has difficulty in sitting upright. However, he consoles himself with the fact that he was told the parachute would improve the flight, so he decides to give the thing a little time. As he waits he notices that some of the other passengers are laughing at him because he’s wearing a parachute in a plane. He begins to feel somewhat humiliated. As they begin to point and laugh at him, he can stand it no longer. He slinks in his seat, unstraps the parachute, and throws it to the floor. Disillusionment and bitterness fill his heart, because, as far as he was concerned, he was told an outright lie.The second man is given a parachute, but he’s told to put it on because at any moment he’d be jumping 25,000 feet out of the plane. He gratefully puts the parachute on; he doesn’t notice the weight of it upon his shoulders, nor that he can’t sit upright. His mind is consumed with the thought of what would happen to him if he jumped without that parachute."

to read more about this go to https://www.livingwaters.com/hells-best-kept-secret/

I'm not saying its easy by any means. I hurts my stomach just to think of the gut wrenching cries I have cried in my lifetime. This time of year, even though its my favourite holiday because of the hope that comes with it, was the hardest for me. I would look back and think, another year. Another year and still no baby. It's hard not to focus on those things that cause us pain, and it's not that life gets easier, but having my faith, having Jesus by my side every step of every day was the only thing that held me together.

#Christmas #Fertility #HaveFaith #SavedbyGrave